You love chocolate gateau cake. You’re always asking for this cake to be made and presented to you on special occasions. Sadly, your special occasions usually involve family, friends, the odd random person, and usually, someone dressed up in something contentious or cringe-worthy.
I take the challenge on with both hands. One hand would be a bit difficult, given the nature of the spatula.
I am making a cake for you.
I mix the ingredients.
I move backwards and forwards with ease as I tick off one goal after another.
Then, losing the will to live, I stand in the middle of it all, contemplating sticking my hand in the blender. I value my hand more than I value the quality of your gluten-free, almond free, dairy-free, fucking everything free, chocolate fucking gateau cake.
You still love my chocolate gateau cake.
Unfortunately, your family doesn’t. Was that plain flour I used? Oops, I didn’t notice.