Category: writing

Kettle Calling

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From the day you were born, that kettle boiled water. The kettle boiled water for tea leaves, tea bags, herbal infusions, night toddies, water for cooking, and water for baking.

That kettle with the white handle and the sky blue frame was always on the bench in the kitchen. The kettle was used by Mum, and Dad would use the kettle when he was desperate.

Then, one day as you sat alone in the kitchen, the kettle started to move. Unable to establish if you are dreaming, you sit up straight, wondering if gumption is the key here?

Instead of silence, the kettle starts to rattle ever so softly. “Can Mum hear this?” you wonder, “Perhaps not, considering I’m all alone and everyone else seems to have vanished for a moment“.

Not sure if you should caress the kettle lovingly or throw it out the window, you move towards the kettle. Suddenly, the bloody thing stops and out pops a teabag. Not the usual brew, you are sure, but perhaps something more exotic.

The kettle moves, then the teabag ends up in your left hand. “What the actual…“

Then the kettle starts to boil, and you get the impression that the kettle wants you to steep this teabag of magic into a brew. What can you do? Mum loves tea, and who would care if you drank a magical tea brew?

You place your favourite cup onto the bench and proceed with the tea making process. Once strong and to your liking, you sit with the cup in front of you. Hesitation grips you. “What if I turn into a dolphin? How will I swim? There is no water? What if… fuck it!“

Sipping on the magic tea, you start to space out for a moment. There is a bit of disorientation in your mind; then you see other lands. There is another world inside your cup; there is a world quite different from our world. One where trees grow black and green, technology is far more advanced, and there is a clean order to things. “Well, I must be dreaming because this shit cannot be real…” Yet, you cannot shake the images produced from your magical teabag.

After finishing the brew, you take the teabag to your room and sit thinking about what you just saw within your mind. You feel your mind expanding at the thoughts, sounds, and world of magic.

No wonder Mum loves the kettle so much.

The Caravan Park

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He’s a retired surgeon with a taste for woodwork. He lives with his wife in a lovely house with good security and a vegetable patch. There’s a park down past his rear fence, which is pretty and quiet. However, to the right of his house, just a few blocks away, is a caravan park.

No one knows how the caravan park came to be at this location. Some say it was a stroke of genius on the developer’s part, while others say that the developer bribed the Council. There is a reason why the caravan park now sits on that land, but let us not get carried away.

He loves the quiet. It’s a joy for reading, woodwork, painting, and more. Sometimes he likes to give the stereo a blast to remind him of the ’70s. It’s never before 9 am and always before 10 pm. He respects his neighbours. He thinks he’s sweet.

He remembers his first Saturday once the caravan park was up and running. There was never a Saturday like this one before, but there will probably be many in the future. That Saturday changed him forever.

Now Saturday has arrived again. It is the night. There is a wild party, and the caravan park is alive. What is this hell he must endure? Why is there so much noise? He finds relief with earplugs to grab a few hours of sleep.

Then, Sunday descended. Saturday was trying, yet Sunday is so much worse. Sunday consists of many fights from hell. Beer bottles fly about, kitchen utensils and tools go everywhere, shouting and banging lingers, and there’s an awful lot of barbecues.
There is a lull at 3 am, which turns into quiet. The weekend is over for another week. There is so much relief.

Your World of Bling

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You live in a world of bling.  Kitsch Swarovski bracelets line your arms, new wave necklaces and earrings from markets and independent sellers line your walls and the Duchess in your bedroom. More beautiful pieces lay locked in your safe, but they are large and gaudy.  

Fashionista, you walk down the halls of fashion magazine offices, take to the seats before runways so modern, and mingle with the fashion elite at shallow parties with dim lights, awful music, and terrible cocktails.  You are living and loving in the scene of chic cool and unencumbered soulless troglodytes.  Never a moment to stop and think about where your life is going or what you will do when those looks fade or your world crumbles.

You invited a new crowd to your home for a party.  They’re a dull bunch, but you think they may be of some use to you.  You’ve become so used to equating commodities with people that you forgot what it means to be human.

He walks in and makes your heart do a saucepan dance.  So loud is your heart, you can barely hear him speak.  This is not who you’re usually like, or is it how you usually act.  He smiles at you and you go a bit limp and loose; melting all over the floor. As you start to talk, it becomes clear he is a particularly sexy chap with elegant attire and a haughty way.  You simply cannot understand yourself.  Why is he doing all of these things to me?

The party goes well, you see most of those boring guebangle-2156210_960_720sts to the door, but he lingers.

He says to you with a sarcastic smile, “Bangle girl, you are so weird…what are they anyway?” 

You’re about to give him the flick but unintentionally say, “They’re kitsch Swarovski. It’s not to everyone’s taste, but I like them…”

Eyeing more than just your bangles, he says, “I don’t mind them.  They suit you…we can’t all be alike…”

You eye each other for a bit, it becomes slightly awkward, and then you both launch into a session of wild pashing, together with a bit of touch and tingle. The floor becomes your bed. You’re both rolling around like 20-year-olds.  Turns out those bracelets, or bangles as he calls them, has multiple uses.

Boxes

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I am packing the boxes to find old treasures that I thought didn’t exist, for I forgot about them.

I find that old black and white picture, a vase from Mum’s place with purple orchards, a trinket with sentimental value from school, and the plaster from my broken arm.

I’m thinking about the awakened memories as feelings start to rush and mess with my heartstrings.

Sniffing the items a little, I’m sneezing and crying.

Ice Cube Heart

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Ice cubes sit in the freezer. I think about how they used to be liquid from the tap, and now they are blocks of ice. My thoughts remind me of a story once told by an old sentimental fool.

A man and a woman loved each other. When his love was new to her, his heart was warm. He and she moved through life easily, for the days were sunny despite the weather. His laughter was so infectious to her that she would often bloom with a smile.

After some time passed, his heart turned into those ice cubes. In her heart, he remained dear despite the cold feelings that crept into his arteries. Although there was no warmth in his heart anymore, she never gave up hope that his love was real.

Then, on a day like any other, they travelled together in the car; He was driving and calling her names over something trivial; She was very upset. He did not realise that soon she would leave this world, and he would no longer have the sunshine of his heart.

An accident occurred. As she lay dying in the passenger seat, his heart began to melt. He then realised how much he loved her. He promised to honour her memory by climbing many mountains and exploring the Earth with her ashes so that they could both see the world together.

That sentimental old fool is the man in this story. He died a few years ago and had her ashes sprinkled all over him before he was cremated.

The Heater

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In the winter, when the southerly winds blow from Antarctica through Tasmania and make their presence known to the people of Melbourne, we turn the heating on. We don’t ask much of you. We ask that you do your job and heat the house for us. Is this too much to ask?

Winter went on for months without end. You worked for us well until you thought Spring was coming early. Now you’re resetting all the time, turning yourself off, keeping your status at the rather puzzling setting, “On Waiting”, and telling us you are going to be uncooperative.

You remind me of my good friend’s partner. She was always telling him to get turned on, but he was always turned off. She would cry to him, “Why do I always have to turn you on!?…why don’t you ever turn me on anymore!?”

Turns out, he wasn’t really into her. They end up going their separate ways. Now he is a distant memory.

Heater, please don’t make me replace you because you won’t turn it on for me, even though I’m trying to turn you on.

Cullender of Colander

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At home, she rinses the vegetables in the Colander. The water washes the vegetables and then flows down through the holes and into the drain to head to the water treatment plant. Once the water arrives, it is treated and cleaned so that humans can consume the resource again.

You stand in the kitchen talking to her about how unsuitable she is to cook your food, then how everything about the two of you is disintegrating. She wonders what you are on about or if you have lost the plot.

Unable to deal with your talking after many attempts to obtain a resolution, she turns the Colander into a Cullender, places your head in it, and washes water over you until you cool down.

Now that you are her vegetable, all the rubbish flows down through the drain from your head for the water treatment plant; Perhaps they can clean up your bullshit.

My Knees Squeak

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You fucked off.
Where you went is none of my concern, now that your heart and mine don’t sing a pretty song.
Now, all I can do is talk to myself about regrets and shit. I’m alone, in my 30’s, and my bank balance is small. You even took the cat with you because you said fluffy loves you more!
In my desolation and decay, I put on five kilograms from eating too many Swiss chocolates, my clothes don’t fit properly, and I look like a frump.
Now that I have taken the path of least resistance and succumbed to watching shit loads of television and listening to crap music, my knees squeak as I move from the couch to the coffee table, and I talk to myself in a morphed language.
When will you acknowledge that I still love you, or am I just blowing hot air up my arse?

Tablecloth Blues

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“Darling, dinner is almost finished. Will you scratch my back? It’s so itchy…“

He gets up from the table, heads towards the man cave, then says, “I’ll think about it…“

You’re still itchy, and you know even if he is taking the piss, he’ll make you wait for a scratch.

The tablecloth has embroidered bumps that move along the fabric in perfectly proportioned lines. It suits your obsessive nature.

You take off your top, and then you begin to rub your back against the tablecloth.

The salt and pepper shakers fall over with a bump, the tomato sauce bottle rolls onto the floor, and the plates start to move towards the edge.

He comes out to investigate the cause of the noise, only to find his pretty girl scratching her back on the tablecloth.

“Are you quite alright there?“

“I’m itchy!“

“I’d better scratch you then…“

“No groping! Be nice!“

“I’m always nice, and you know it.“

You turn her head and give him a sideways eye smile as you start to moan from the nails down your skin.

Your Extreme Ironing Nature

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Your passion for extremes has always given me a sense of excitement and this newfound energy. I got caught up in your adventurous nature, that dark curly hair, and those sparkly eyes.

I never understood why your ironing basket was always empty, why you had those strange contraptions hooked on to your ironing board, and why you always took so much care of that ironing board.

I began to question our love, for you would sneak away and then return unkempt and exhausted. What were you doing? Did you find someone else to touch and tingle?

Then one day, out of the blue, you took me into your world and showed me your soul. You showed me how much you love to go on adventures, how to conduct extreme ironing in exotic locations, why adventures together are better than adventures alone, and why power points never seem close when you are so far away.

We continue to embrace your ironing board until this day. We have photographs on our walls of that ironing board, you and me.