you sit at that mahogany desk you love
diligently researching paranormal things
you look for an answer in what isn’t clear
sadness is cruel to your feverish heart
you miss me, I know this very very well
I miss you and hold on in this place still
you held me in the last moments of life
I remember all your words and actions
you feel my touch, but I do alarm you so
I whisper in your ear, “Be my lungs, love.”
you look pained and move so violently
I cannot catch you as you fall from me
you left those papers to be with me today
I’m sorry but it had to be this way, my love
you see me now, but there is much horror
I felt that way too, yet the horror will pass
you say, “It was always you here close.”
I say with conviction, “Yes. Always close.”
you look at me and I look you and we see
we see the love we have for each other
The seat is bare, except for you and a few tidy possessions.
You’ve been down this road before; broken and broke.
There’s nothing like poverty to make you feel like you’ve made the wrong choices. Yet, you are liberated now; free on this bench in the snow.
You think, “How beautiful the snow is as it falls. If I was more familiar with words I would articulate this scene with more purpose and beauty, but I cannot convey this. This is a photograph or a painting…”
Still, in the snow, you don’t notice the gun against your head until the jolt ends the falling snow for you.
Your last moments: broke and broken; beautiful and sad; thinking of the falling snow.
What beauty in your death. Death on the bench in the snow full of a fading glow. Until the light turns to darkness. Then you get the chance to do it all differently.
The air is fresh upon her heart; the sea feels cool today. She’s looking out and back again, for the world is different. The air is full of silent screams; the sea hears them well. She’s horror-struck at the sound, for death is so close now.